Rumination
by cszimm
Summary: Kakashi isn't sure he really wanted to be Hokage, but he really didn't have much choice in the matter. At least he can rely on Tenzo.


Just a little idea that persisted until I finally wrote it down. I wrote this with friendship in mind, but maybe there's something more if you squint. Please enjoy!

* * *

On the night of his inauguration as Hokage, Kakashi sat alone on top of his sensei's head. Well, the head of his sensei's statue, anyway. He was escaping the raucous party currently taking place in the streets of Konoha. _That_ was Tsunade's doing; she insisted on a large celebration to mark the beginning of Kakashi's reign. Those closest to Tsunade, however, knew that she really just wanted to throw a party to celebrate her newfound freedom.

Kakashi couldn't really blame her.

He was honored, really he was. To be named Hokage was the dream of many, and the reality of so very few. But it meant that he had a desk, now, instead of his trusted field packs, and a stuffy robe instead of his comfortable uniform. It meant watching his comrades—no, _subordinates_ —leave daily on exciting adventures as he watched from the window. And it meant that every one who didn't come home was, when you boiled down to the root of it, his fault.

This immense responsibility was the unglamorous truth of the Hokage mantle. As a team leader, and even as a commander in the Fourth Shinobi War, he had been responsible for the deaths of teammates, and those haunted him still. But ultimately he had to cope with many of those deaths by attributing them to the orders of people higher-ranking than even he. There was only so much guilt that he could shoulder on his own. Now, as Hokage, there was no one else to whom he could mentally shift some of the guilt.

How depressing his thoughts had become this evening. As he ruminated on his new position he sipped straight from a bottle of fine sake—a gift from Tsunade—and wondered how long it would be before his disappearance was noticed.

It apparently wasn't long, because not five more minutes had passed before he felt a familiar chakra approaching.

He smiled faintly under his mask.

"Senpai—err—Hogake-sama…I thought I might find you here."

"Don't be stupid, Tenzo, just call me Kakashi."

"Right—well, I brought you some sake—oh, you, uh, already have some…"

True, yes, and it was probably a better quality than what Tenzo had brought, but free sake was still free sake.

"A gift from Tsunade," Kakashi shrugged as if to imply he wasn't worried about it.

"Well it's probably better than the swill I brought you, but if I'm not imposing…"

Kakashi gave Tenzo a bored stare in reply.

"I've always heard it's not healthy to drink alone, and I guess I'm supposed to set some sort of example now or something. Have a seat and drink with me, Tenzo."

Finally the man seemed to relax, much to Kakashi's relief. He was edgy already; he didn't need his drinking partner to also be on edge.

A comfortable silence fell between the pair as they enjoyed the scenic view before them. The streets were brightly lit with hundreds of lanterns twinkling below. Laughter and music floated up to their ears on a light breeze.

Kakashi stashed Tenzo's bottle a few feet away, and instead offered to share the finer bottle from Tsunade. Tenzo took a swig after a muttered thank you, and they passed the bottle back and forth every few minutes.

"I'm glad you're here, Tenzo," Kakashi said after a while. And he was. Of all his friends, Tenzo tended to be the most dependable on nights like these. Gai would have passed out by now, while Genma had been very clear from the beginning that he'd be chasing Shizune's tail all night. Even Naruto and Sakura had left him to his own devices after a little while, naturally drifting towards their own friends for the evening.

"I had a feeling you would give everyone the slip sooner or later," Tenzo said with a chuckle.

Kakashi grimaced.

"Has a search party been sent out for me yet?"

"No, not yet. But I did tell Genma I'd track you down, and Naruto was the one who told me you were up here. I don't think you have to worry."

"Good. I much prefer it this way," he said with a sigh, finally feeling the muscles in his shoulders loosen a bit. "You're a good friend, Tenzo."

"Just returning the favor, Kakashi."

Tenzo was met with a flat look from Kakashi, intended to convey his disbelief of that statement.

"Oh, don't give me that crap, Kakashi. You can sulk with one foot in the past all you want, but it doesn't change the fact that you're the best possible candidate for Hokage."

It amazed Kakashi how well Tenzo knew him, that he could pinpoint his exact worries by just his mannerisms. It was a bit disconcerting, but then again Tenzo always had been an observer. He spent a lot of time standing next to, but not in, the spotlight.

Kakashi merely took an extra-long swig of sake in response before setting the bottle down hard between them.

It was quiet for a few minutes more, until Tenzo quietly spoke again.

"You know you're the only one that still calls me Tenzo?"

Kakashi frowned.

"That can't be—what about everyone in ANBU? Yamato's just your public code name."

Tenzo shrugged.

"A lot of them from before the war didn't make it. A handful did, but of those only a couple are still active, and I rarely see them. Before I started training with Naruto, and your team, I was never in the public eye. I could walk down the street unrecognized, and my name was never of importance to anyone except myself. But now, people I've never met seem to know my face, because I helped re-build their home, or because they associate me with you, or with Naruto. But they always call me Yamato. That's how the village knows me now. Sometimes, it feels like Tenzo was part of a different life than I lead now. Sometimes, it feels like Tenzo is dead."

Guilt shot through Kakashi's heart. How could he have let this happen? Even Genma knew him simply as Yamato, having never met him until a few years ago himself. And Genma was one of their close friends. Kakashi had been there, all those years ago, when Tenzo had discovered what could very well have been his original clan. He had _chosen_ his name, and Kakashi was the only one that truly understood why. His name had _meaning_ to him.

"I'm sorry—I didn't realize…"

"It's okay," Tenzo said quickly. " _You_ know me as Tenzo, and that's what I care about the most."

Kakashi briefly met Tenzo's eyes before turning back to the city lights below them. Something in his expression made Kakashi glad they were having this little heart-to-heart, commiserating together. This was something he would never be able to do with Genma or Gai.

"Well," Tenzo coughed, bringing Kakashi back out of his reverie. "Aren't we a happy pair of drunks?"

Kakashi chuckled darkly and flicked his wrist towards the sake in Tenzo's hands.

"Not nearly drunk enough. Pass me back that bottle."

"If you puke tonight, I'm going to blackmail you the entire time you wear that damn hat."

This elicited a genuine smile from Kakashi.

"It's a good thing I don't intend to _actually_ wear it that often, then."

Tenzo groaned and Kakashi's smile grew wider.

"I can always count on you, Tenzo."

Maybe this Hokage thing wouldn't be so bad after all.


End file.
